Day 1—I hate flying! June 14th 2012

Well here we are, flying over somewhere east of Modesto.  I see a tiny bit of unmelted snow patches.  We are on our way to Atlanta, GA where we will be catching a connecting flight to Panama City, Panama.

Of course, because we are so cheap, our flight took off at 6 a.m., which means the alarm was set for 3 a.m.  And, of course (because this NEVER  happens, unless I need to sleep!), the dog had some sort of gastro-intestinal emergency at 12:30 a.m., which means after I let him out to do his business,  I tossed and turned until 2:30 am, finally got up, and now I feel like a sleepy, disoriented, stuffed sausage.  I hate flying.  I spend the entire flight vacillating between complete boredom and claustrophobia  to complete terror should we hit any turbulence. 

And seriously, why do they allow people to put their seats back! Like the 12” in front of my face isn’t breath sucking as it is, now I have 8”!!! I am not a good traveler.  I love exotic destinations, and once the horrible travel day is over, I completely enjoy myself (as long as I have my 3 pillows, and my coffee mug from home).  My husband thinks I am high maintenance, but hey, I do all the planning, the packing, and the thinking.  All he needs to do is schlep some bags, and try not to irritate me on travel day! After that I love exploring new places (and my husband!). 

We are excited to be going to Panama.  My husband has us retiring there.  Don’t tell him, but I am retiring in Hawaii, so this trip is for him.  Our 13 year old daughter is joining us.  She is obsessed with One Direction, so their book and music are keeping her occupied. 

Before heading to Panama, my husband and I have researched the place pretty thoroughly.  We have followed many expats blogs, and now we get to see first-hand what this interesting country is really like. 

Before we get there, I wanted to put down a few pre-conceived notions of what we have gleaned through our internet research.  We will have thirty days to find out if it is true. 

1.       Panamanians don’t resent or hate Americans.  (Except that some people say they do, and like lots cultures outside of the US, are very critical of Americans, and America.) I bet it is somewhere in the middle, and each Panamanian will have a complex set of thoughts and emotions toward Americans. 

2.       Panamanians are friendly, and are very accommodating when non-Spanish speakers attempt their language.  Many speak English to some extent, but I have learned, do not count on all Panamanians knowing English. 

3.       Panamanians love loud music, and will play it at every opportunity…even in camp grounds, beaches, from their house, on trucks with ginormous speakers .  (I do not look forward to this aspect of the culture).

4.       Panamanians love fireworks, and will shoot them off with abandon at every opportunity. (I do not mind this aspect).

5.       Panamanian food will be nothing to write home about, but there will be loads of other options, so it doesn’t seem like a hardship. 

6.       Service sucks in Panama, and you better just put on your big girl panties and suck it up, or go crazy!  I have practice doing this from visiting Hawaii.  You are on their Island, and you damn well better get used to Island time, or risk going nuts.

7.       The beaches are not that great. (We shall see…I keep my hopes up).

8.       Petty crime is rampant.  Keep things close, or they will disappear.  (This might not be so great for a woman who once left her purse on a bench  in the Sistine Chapel and walked to the other side of the room to get a better look at the murals.  As luck would have it,  I figured out that my purse was missing, and made my way back across the room to find a lovely Midwestern couple grinning from ear to ear holding my purse, asking, “Did you’all forget somethin’?” (I’m under the impression my luck will not hold out like this in Panama.)

9.       Stores are weird and super paranoid, and they will triple bag your purchase, and walk you to your car, AND not take anything back! (Maybe that is because number 8 is true!)

10.   There are critters in Panama that can KILL YOU! (Egads, another point for Hawaii).

11.   There are only four months that are NOT the rainy season.  BUT it should only rain for a short time and then be clear for the rest of the day.  It will be warm, and I can swim to my heart’s content. (Just not in the ocean as there are deadly sea snakes, and man-o-wars)

12.   It’s a jungle!  There will be monkeys, and sloths, and cool exotic birds, oh my! 

13.   It has the PANAMA CANAL!  I have always been slightly obsessed with canals, and locks, and big ships…this is going to be SOOO COOOL!

14.   We will meet loads of really cool, adventurous people from all over the world. 

(Oh my, it is only 7:25 a.m., and here I am sucking down a $7 Bloody Mary…smakidy-doo, flyin’ doesn’t seem so bad after all!)

(There was just an announcement that there is a person (my money is on one of those three hot house rich kids sitting in first class) with a severe peanut allergy on board.  So even though there are only peanuts, and pretzels (geez, who knew there was a friggin “t” in pretzels!) offered for free, and chips and peanut M& M’s for sale, they will not be offering the peanuts or the M&M’s. 

Are you kidding me! One scrawny little kid can dictate what an entire plane full of people can and cannot do!  Where the hell is his EpiPen, I’ll happily jab him if he starts wheezing from my peanut M&M fix twenty rows back! John Stossel where there hell are you when I need you?)

15.   You can get clothes and shoes REALLY CHEAPLY!

16.   Avoid the Darien Gap. (That is really my own personal advice, based on the fact that I need to travel with three pillows and my own coffee mug).

17.   There will loads of exotic fruit available (yum), and they don’t refrigerate their eggs(eww).

18.   Do not order Captain Morgan liquor, Seco is the thang.  (God, how much is my Meridian Chardonnay going to set me back--if I can even find it?)

19.   They grow coffee there.  (If it’s like Hawaiian coffee, I’ll pass).

20.   Don’t eat Panamanian beef, it’s tough and dry.  Pay more and get your beef either from America or South America.  (But Mark Sisson would totally approve of it being pastured, and grass fed!)

Now it has been 15 hours since I woke up for this fun travel day.  I just finished my second drink of the day (at a much more respectable hour of 4:30 pm --my time).  What a freakin’ grueling day!  My diet has been just awful, eating out of two airports, and the crap on the planes.  They don’t even bother offering a meal for purchase…just cookies, crackers, and chips.  No wonder Americans are becoming  obese and diabetic! 

I cannot wait to take a hot shower and stretch out on a bed…oh glory days!

Oooo…we passed over Cuba! Cuba!  How exciting…Now we are just flying over relentless ocean until we get to Panama.  We are staying at the Marriott near the airport, and a driver is coming to get us.  I have always wanted to see a man holding a sign for ME!  If all goes well, it’s going to happen tonight.  It will cost the same as taking a taxi to the hotel, but come on, my way is sooo much cooler! 

Oops…my mistake, I believe we are flying over the Grand Cayman islands.  The sun is quickly setting, and its getting dark so I won’t be able to see much more on the flight…shame.

21.   Panama has a great pension program for expats.  (I just wonder how long it will last?)

22.   Real Estate is still reasonable (If you are careful). 

So, first impressions:  We landed and maybe this is just a one off, but the Panamanians that were on the flight were kinda pushy, and didn’t really wait politely for other people to get their stuff down from the overhead bins.  I noticed too while we were boarding, the same thing happened.

My huband and I were holding back because they hadn’t called “Zone 3” loading, and it seemed as if everyone was already on the plane, but people just pushed around us.  That usually doesn’t happen on the domestic flights I’ve flown on.

When we landed in Panama, my husband said the terminal smelled like stewed chicken, but honestly I didn’t notice.  I did notice how hot and humid it was on the jet way.  I knew we were in for some hot, muggy weather (not that that is a bad thing.)  So no one really spoke English.  Thank goodness all the signs were also in English.  (I swear I will never complain about everything being in  English AND Spanish in our country again!)

The guy who was directing the flow of people through customs  just pointed, grunted, and snapped at people.  The woman who took our passports (very sweet lady) only spoke Spanish (although she did ask, “How many days in Panama” and I replied in English “30”, and it took her a moment to process.  The guy who picked us up at the airport was super sweet and polite, but he spoke no English. 

All the Marriott employees were very polite, and spoke understandable English.

Listen, I am grateful for any English at all.  I’m just refuting the claim that “You don’t need to speak English to get by….if by get by, you mean MARGINALLY!  So, that’s it for the first day…boy am I beat! Does anyone have a great travel story to share?