Day 27—Taxis & Tocumen

The sun rising over Panama Bay.

Our last day in Panama. 

I slept fairly well, and woke up at 4:30 a.m. (2:30 a.m. San Francisco time).  I sipped my last cup of mediocre Panamanian coffee, and then roused the family.  I took my last cold shower!  (EEEP! These are just not that fun, even in hot and muggy Panama). 

We lugged our three suitcases downstairs, shook the doorman’s hand (He was a very pleasant person, who did not speak English, but was patient, and willing to help us find anything.  He also always told us what taxis should cost,) and we hailed a taxi. 

The first guy who stopped, looked at our luggage, and shook his head.  The next guy, still had a pretty small car, but was determined to drive us.  He quoted $30 for the three of us (or the six of us, if you count the suitcases).  Since the official price is $27.00 for two, I felt that was an extremely fair price.  We managed to get the large suit case and the carry-on in the trunk, and Emma and I sat in the back with a medium sized suitcase between us. It was bit crowded, but it worked. 

The driver asked what time our flight took off.  It was 6:15 (a little later than I would have liked) and our flight took off at 8:25.  He nodded and I asked how much time to get to the airport.  He said 20 minutes.  It took 25 minutes. Not a bad estimate.  

On our way out of the city, to the airport, we noticed that the traffic was really backed up going into the city.  I’m glad we were going against traffic, or I don’t think we would have made it.  I told him Delta airline, International flight, and before we knew it we were at the airport. 

As we pulled up the curb, there were like 20 guys lined up with what can only be described as hotel luggage racks, and as we are pulling our luggage out of the car, they descended like locust.  Sean paid the cab driver, and as he was doing that I hear one of the older luggage cart guys admonishing a younger man, who had tried to grab our luggage and put in on the cart.  He told him to wait until we said yes.  (I really don’t know how I understood all of that, but I did! Perhaps a month of immersion Spanish actually works!) The truth was we didn’t know what to do.  We have three people, and three suitcases, so we usually just deal with it, but it seemed like this was what we should do, so we said yes.  

As the guy was wheeling our suitcases in, Sean told me he was out of one dollar bills and he only had a five dollar bill.  That sounded like a fair tip until I realized that the Delta counter was not 50 feet from the door that we had just walked in.  He wheeled our luggage to front of the line (there were maybe 7-10 people in front of us). Sean OVERTIPPED him, and then we stood there awkwardly, trying to keep an eye on our technically “unattended” luggage.  Oh, well, live and learn.  

We then  found out at the counter, as we were checking our luggage, that Panama has a $2.50 per person airport tax, which was not included in the price of the ticket.  I thought that sort of thing was no longer allowed. 

Wow.  Panama, the country that just keeps taking!

We passed through security with no problems.  Then we looked for someplace to have breakfast.  There were not a lot of choices, so we decided on pre-made sandwiches.  We grabbed two sandwiches, a bag of Cheetos (the Cheetos we grabbed look like the real thing, but are manufactured  in Panama, and they taste nothing like the Cheetos at home. They are BLAND!), and a bottle of water. I was going to get an empanada, but when I reached in the “warming” case to grab one, I realized they were cold, so I put it back.  

There were no prices posted on or near things, just a list with lots of tiny writing near the cash register.  When we got to the register, the lady told us (in her best Spanglish) that it was a “Kom-Bow,” and we needed to get another drink and another bag of chips or a cookie.   We really didn’t want them, but oh well, why not?  Then she rang up our two kom-bows and the price was a whopping $26.00! Each combo was $13.00 freakin’ dollars!

Wow. Really? That seemed exorbitant even by airport prices.  

We had only an hour until flight time, and Emma seemed to be too tired to eat or drink anything but her cookie (of course), so I put her unopened drink, and her sandwich in my bag. Sean and I ate a sandwich and took a few sips of our overpriced bottle of water.  We put the rest away for the plane ride.  

Toilet at airport.  I'm sorry, I don't think you get to qualify for first world status when you have ginormous, gaping holes behind toilets in the "secure" area of the airport.  I wonder what the person in the next stall thought when she saw the camera flash in my stall?

When we lined up to board the plane, I noticed tables on either side of the jet way, and a line of uniformed people behind the tables.  They were doing another security check before we boarded the plane.  Weird.  

So I put my bags and purse on the table, and they began searching.  They pulled Emma’s unopened drink from my bag, and informed me, “No liquids!”

WTF!? I bought that after the security check, and got freakin’ ripped off for it too! She put it on a table behind her. (Damn! I bet they put it back on the shelf to sell with another "Kom-Bow" to the next unsuspecting gringo). And of course, our almost full bottle of water was confiscated too.  I held it together, because all I wanted was to get on the plane before they took anything else (Also? The police here are scary looking).  

As we approached the plane through the jet way, male and female officers were doing one last frisk of passengers before they stepped on the plane.  So weird.  Panama is either big on job creation, or they have absolutely no faith in their “secure” area of the airport.  Probably a little from column A, and a little from column B.  At least now I know where our $7.50 airport tax went. 

When we got on board,  the flight attendants spoke English, and I had to hold back from hugging them. 

Once on board, it was time for reflection:

1. Panamanians don’t resent or hate Americans.  (Except that some people say they do, and like lots cultures outside of the US are very critical of Americans, and America.) I bet it is somewhere in the middle, and each Panamanian will have a complex set of thoughts and emotions toward Americans.  (I can’t really answer this question because I didn’t sit down and have a heart to heart with any Panamanians).  The Panamanians out at the beaches seemed mostly fascinated by us as witnessed by the constant staring. We ran into some rude people, but I felt their rudeness stemmed mostly from some unknown cultural faux pas, or inability to communicate, rather than resentment toward Americans per se. 
2. Panamanians are friendly, and are very accommodating when non-Spanish speakers attempt their language.  Many speak English to some extent, but I have learned, do not count on all Panamanians knowing English. (DO NOT COUNT ON ANYONE SPEAKING ENGLISH! I can count on one hand the number of people who spoke English). The non-English speakers don’t really attempt to interact.  They actually seemed a bit exasperated by our poor attempts at Spanish. A few were very kind and patient.
3. Panamanians love loud music, and will play it at every opportunity…even in camp grounds, beaches, from their house, on trucks with ginormous speakers .  (I do not look forward to this aspect of the culture). When Panamanians celebrate, they celebrate loudly and into the wee hours of the morning.  They always have music on, but it seemed that they played it low, and it was respectful.  It was not nearly as bad as I had anticipated.
4. Panamanians love fireworks, and will shoot them off with abandon at every opportunity. (I do not mind this aspect) (Ummm….I didn’t mind it until my mind decided to tell me that the popping noise was gunshots, and I thought everyone around me was being slaughtered…but, that was just me).
5. Panamanian food will be nothing to write home about, but there will be loads of other options, so it doesn’t seem like a hardship. The first part of this statement is true, and the “other options” part is not so true unless you consider driving 45 minutes for a plethora of fast food as “loads of other options.”  I don’t.
6. Service sucks in Panama, and you better just put on your big girl panties and suck it up, or go crazy!  I have practice doing this from visiting Hawaii.  You are on their Island, and you damn well better get used to Island time, or risk going nuts.  Really, the service was not that bad.  You MUST ask for your check as they consider it rude to offer it to you.
7. The beaches are not that great. (We shall see…I keep my hopes up). The beaches are not that great, and even worse is the lack of access to said mediocre beaches.  I did, however, love the beach at Santa Clara. 
8. Petty crime is rampant.  Keep things close, or they will disappear.  (This might not be so great for a woman who once left her purse on a bench  in the Sistine Chapel and walked to the other side of the room to get a better look at the murals.  As luck would have it,  I figured out that my purse was missing, and made my way back across the room to find a lovely Midwestern couple grinning from ear to ear holding my purse, asking, “Did you’all forget somethin’?”)  I’m under the impression my luck will not hold out like this in Panama.) It was fine, but we were very careful.
9. Stores are weird and super paranoid, and they will triple bag your purchase, and walk you to your car, AND not take anything back! (Maybe that is because number 8 is true!) The grocery stores only escorted us out a couple of times.  I don’t really know what their policy was, because sometimes they would, and other times they just left us to our own devices.  At the mall, when you purchased something, they definitely stapled that bag closed, but that was fine.  And when you walked into another store, they had a place right next to the door to check you bags. 
10. There are critters in Panama that can KILL YOU! (Egads, another point for Hawaii). Thank god I did not see one of these critters.  We had a few geckos in the villa, and they chirp at night!  Honestly I felt pretty safe there.  The worst was the mosquitos.  We all had quite a few bites despite the frequent use of deet. 
11. There are only four months that are NOT the rainy season.  BUT it should only rain for a short time and then be clear for the rest of the day.  It will be warm, and I can swim to my heart’s content. (Just not in the ocean as there are deadly sea snakes, and man-o-wars.) Ba ha ha ha ha ha! It friggin’ rains A LOT, and when it’s not raining it is SUPER MUGGY or overcast, getting ready to rain.  We probably only had 5-7 “completely sunny days” in a month.  You can swim even when it is raining, but since there was a lot thunder and lightning,  it is probably not too wise to do so. 
12. It’s a jungle!  There will be monkeys, and sloths, and cool exotic birds, oh my!  I feel totally gypped . The only monkey that I saw was a despondent one chained to someone's porch.  I heard the parakeets.  They are loud, gossipy birds, who make quite a racket as they fly over you. 
13. It has the PANAMA CANAL!  I have always been slightly obsessed with canals, and locks, and big ships…this is going to be SOOO COOOL! This was soooo COOL (despite Emma’s reaction)!
14. We will meet loads of really cool, adventurous people from all over the world.  Yeah, I would pretty much say this was true. 
15. You can get clothes and shoes REALLY CHEAPLY!  Ummm, I guess if you are a Lilliputian and want to look like a cheap floozy
16. Avoid the Darien Gap. (That is really my own personal advice, based on the fact that I need to travel with three pillows).  And you don’t want to DIE from FARC related interactions, DENGUE FEVER or MALARIA!
17. There will loads of exotic fruit available (yum), and they don’t refrigerate their eggs(eww).  I will refer you to Day 7—The Mango Story—Pineapples are like, a dollar, I never did see young coconuts, and no they don’t refrigerate their eggs, but they are way more flavorful than the eggs we get at our grocery stores.
18. Do not order Captain Morgan liquor, Seco is the thang.  (God, how much is my Meridian chardonnay going to set me back?) They sell Captain Morgan at the grocery store, SECO IS THE THANG, and Meridian—as well as any other decent California Chardonnay--was not available. I settled on Sutter Home which was barely drinkable.  The Argentinian and Chilean Chardonnays that I tried were terrible.
19. They grow coffee there.  (If it’s like Hawaiian coffee, I’ll pass). It was drinkable (better than Hawaiian coffee, but I will not miss it.  I could not get French roast. 
20. Don’t eat Panamanian beef, it’s tough and dry.  Pay more and get your beef either from America or South America.  (But Mark Sisson would totally approve of it being pastured, and grass fed!)  TRUE…pretty much, nasty, nasty stuff--I think even Mark Sisson would agree. 
21. Panama has a great pension program for expats.  (I just wonder how long it will last).I really can’t speak to this either.  The information is online, and I still  wonder how long it will last. 
22. Real Estate is still reasonable (If you are careful).  Maybe, but a lot of people are getting greedy   savvy, and raising their prices accordingly.  It’s still cheaper than Hawaii for beach front property, but you better have 4-wheel drive, and know how to speak Spanish!

In Conclusion, would I retire to Panama? I really don’t think so.

I would like to go back and visit in five years when the subway is complete, and hopefully the street signage gets better.  I would like to see Casco Viejo turned back in to the jewel it probably once was.  I would like to go back when they figure out how to have consistent water pressure, and electricity.  I would like to go back after I have had a year of intensive Spanish language study, so I would know what the hell was going on around me.  I would try harder to find a good restaurant, and I would NOT go back in the rainy season. 

I now have a like/hate relationship with Panama.  It is like a beautiful Latin lover:

Amazing to look at, seductively warm and inviting, whispering sweet nothings in your ear in a melodic language you don’t understand, but love to listen to, making you laugh, staring at you as if you are the only person in the world...

and then slipping a wad of money out of your purse when you least expect it. 

That is Panama to me.